Gratitude Wisdom Leader: Robert Emmons, PhD
Advice on practicing gratitude from one of the world’s leading experts on gratitude.
Robert Emmons, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the founding editor-in-chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology.
As Lynne Snead and I began to create the gratitude workbook we wanted to use, we knew it needed to have a solid foundation based both in ancient wisdom and current science. We decided to dedicate a page each week to some of the many leaders who have deeply explored the field of gratitude and who changed our thinking about how the mind works.
As we surveyed the field, it was clear that Robert Emmons was one of the leading researchers and writers about the practice of gratitude. Here are some of his words:
“The best way to reap the benefits of gratitude is to notice new things you’re grateful for every day. Gratitude journaling works because it slowly changes the way we perceive situations by adjusting what we focus on. While you might always be thankful for your great family, just writing ‘I’m grateful for my family’ week after week doesn’t keep your brain on alert for fresh grateful moments.”
“Opening your eyes to more of the world around you can deeply enhance your gratitude practice. Make a game out of noticing new things each day.”
“Our relationships with others are the greatest determinant of our happiness. So it makes sense to think of other people as we build our gratitude.”
Emmons suggests that focusing our gratitude on people for whom we are thankful rather than circumstances or material items will enhance the benefits we experience.
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In good times and challenging ones, practicing gratitude helps us recognize the good things in our lives and build resilience for the challenges that come our way. Gratitude journaling is one of the best ways to better understand yourself and deepen your practice of gratitude.
Gratitude Mojo, the workbook/journal we are biased toward, is designed to guide you to a better life, in whatever way you define it. It comes as a printable pdf with paid subscriptions … and also includes a copy you can gift to a friend. We’ll write more about the transformative process of doing this work with a friend in future posts.
I remember well, my first read of Dr. Emmons quote from above, and it deepened my gratitude practice greatly from then on. I have always been so grateful for my family that I just thought of myself as a grateful person. I had not realized until this change that I had only scratched the surface of deep gratitude. What I have come to call the gratitude deep-dive, began for me when I started thinking deliberately of seeing new things every day to be grateful for, the layers beyond the obvious. My eyes opened to an endless vision of things beyond the obvious that I had not thought about in the sense and intentionality of gratitude. I have shared this process with several of my executive coaching clients and recently one of them shared a story with me about what had happened for her and her entire team when she began expressing gratitude to them for the inherent skills and strengths she could see in each of them. She said she realized she had to look intentionally to see the things she had simply not paid much attention to before. She would express her gratitude for their unique skill sets in their private 1:1 weekly meetings. Most importantly, she shared that a particularly challenging team member was someone who previously she would have just distanced herself from to avoid frustration. She said she had to look really hard to find the contribution he made to their team, but by looking more consciously, she indeed found signs of his talent and contribution. She shared her observations with him in their private 1:1 meetings. Everything changed after that. The team dynamic and culture shifted to one of team members recognizing and expressing thanks to each other often. A huge benefit came around at the dreaded employee performance review time. As a leader, she had an on-going list of team member strengths and contributions and restated these in the review meeting. She then stated that “As professionals, we all know continuous improvement is one of our goals.” She shared something she was working to develop in herself, then asked what they wanted to work to develop in their own skills and talents, and how she could help support them. If necessary, she could make a suggestion if someone needed to develop a skill to benefit their role and the team. It became a team partnership to help each other with continuous improvement goals and shifted the team culture to one of cooperation, growth, and appreciation. This is a huge outcome from the simple act of learning to look deeper, daily, to find and express things to be grateful for. This is also why I call gratitude a ‘practice.’ It takes practice, and intentionality, daily. Blessing to you all.
Take Emmon's advice one step further. See new elements to appreciate about those familiar person's around you. Avoid categorizing people you know, especially those you dislike. Be curious, and complimentary as you are more aware.