“Journaling is like whispering to one’s self
and listening at the same time.”
– Mina Murray, a character in Bram Stoker's dracula
How do you make time to listen to yourself? Really listen … not just tolerate the mind buzz that can go on all day long recapping all your to dos or the last conversation you had with your irritated neighbor or that vague worry about the pain in your back.
We schedule time for work, family, chores; we take time to listen to friends, family, work mates. When do we stop and truly listen to ourselves? Life can become so busy that we literally starve ourselves for the attention we need. Let’s skip the endless listing of all the bad things that happen when we put ourselves last and just call it CHAOS.
To avoid the stress fractures of life, you need a best-friend who will listen endlessly and patiently. A friend who will never tell you what you should do to fix your life or suggest you go on the latest version of the Keto diet or volunteer for the next PTA project. Unfortunately, our human friends are also caught in the cycle of busy, so much as they may want to be a great friend, they are all too often all too busy. Sometimes, life seems bleak when you want to pour your heart out, but there’s no one there to listen. Often we forget there is one person who always has time for you and that there is one place where you can always go for help: you and your journal.
Your journal is where you listen to YOU.
Your journal doesn’t care about grammar and punctuation. It doesn’t care if you whine or swear. It doesn’t care if you write about wanting to burn your boss’s nap couch or muzzling the barking dog next door. Your journal just wants you to hear what’s going on with you, what’s making you happy, what’s causing you grief. Writing in your journal is you loving yourself, giving yourself a hug just because you’re you; it’s you being loving to yourself.
Think of your journal as an open hug, there for you whenever you want one. If you need a boost to get started, try one of these prompts from CalmingGrace.com and see where it takes you.
Self-kindness:
It’s okay to feel this way.
I know it hurts.
I will grow through this.
I’m doing my best.
I forgive myself.
Common humanity:
I’m not alone.
I’m going to get through this.
This is really hard.
I’m only human.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Mindfulness:
I am not my thoughts.
It’s okay to take a step back.
I am bigger than how I feel right now.
I can look at this from a different perspective.
My emotions don’t define me.
Practicing what I preach: Since isolation and feeling alone is a common theme in my life and journal, I decided to write about the prompt: “I am not alone.” It was a challenge because I am alone. Having been single since the death of my husband seventeen years ago, I do not have the love connection that, ideally at least, comes from a having a life partner. Yet, I fervently believe love is the ultimate transformative and life-engaging force.
A quick Google search turned up a Pew Research Center note that said a growing share of American adults are living single, with 38% of American adults between the ages of 25 and 54 not married or living with a romantic partner. My guess is that even more adults over 54 are single.
So, what do single people do with the human need to love and be loved? Pets and close family members probably fill the gap for many people, but what do the rest of us turn to? This launched a question and a possible quest. In my journal, as I thought about the prompt I am not alone, I wrote:
True - not true? I still feel basically alone. I recently met someone and began to think he might be the one who would make me feel whole. Now, I’m starting to understand that feeling whole is a choice I make by accepting and loving all the pieces of myself, and finding something outside myself that I love so deeply that I feel connected to and a part of the whole.
I need to know that love can come in forms other than a singular, romantic love for one other human being. On an intellectual basis, I know this is true, but a deeper part of me immediately plaintively asks “Is this true?”
If you are single (or feel alone in the world), how would you answer this question:
What do you love so much it makes you feel whole?
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In good times and challenging ones, practicing gratitude helps us recognize the good things in our lives and build resilience for the challenges that come our way. Gratitude journaling is one of the best ways to better understand yourself and deepen your practice of gratitude.
Any journal will do … however, her are two we are biased toward:
Gratitude Miracles, a 52-week journal filled with inspiring quotes and the science behind 13 amazing benefits of gratitude. Available from amazon.com:
Or, Gratitude Mojo, a 26-week, workbook format, which comes to you free with your annual paid subscription … including one copy for a friend because having a Gratitude Buddy makes the journey better.
We want to help everyone develop a deeper practice of gratitude, therefore, all posts are always free. … However, it is paid subscriptions that help support this work.
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