Living Paradoxically

I feel a new journal coming on

Decades ago, I ran across one of those “what would a perfect day look like” exercises and quickly discovered there aren’t enough hours in the day. Even though that was back when I spent a lot of hours working, it’s not much different now. I still have too many things I want to do and too few hours to do them in. Such is the privileged life of a retiree whose basic needs are met and whose health allows for multiple flights of fantasy into the world of possibilities.

I am a “middler.”

That perceived lack of hours tossed me onto a path of trying to balance the hours of my days between life maintenance and creative expression, between solitude and community, between the pull of words and the passion for imagery, between water and mountains, science and religion, fiction and nonfiction, color and contrast, travel and hibernation, and so on.

Caught between two attractive poles, I generally wound up waffling and became a “middler.” My feet always seem to find their way to the mid-point: while wanting the best of both poles, I too often wound up in a watered down compromise. The hours of my days always bickered about what to do when, and, exhausted, I wound up settling for a Facebook Reels session stretching from “just a few minutes” to an hour and a half with nothing to show for the time except an insight on how to bake a 4-ingredient snack for the next Super Bowl.

Sometimes I create deadlines … that helps. However, most of my time is structured only by me, and while that sounds delightful, too much of it winds up with me perched in a comfy chair blissed out on TikTok or engrossed in the battle for democracy on Twitter. Not to be judgmental about social media, but neither of those (nor the other social platforms) takes me where I want to go or helps me use my time joyfully.

Over the years, I’ve been in and out of multiple planners, journals and programs for managing time and even helped my friend and project management guru Lynne Snead write a book with the tagline: “A Creative Approach to Managing Projects & Effectively Finishing What Matters Most.” Most of those resources were somewhat helpful; however, it was only recently when I began following the bread crumbs of “focused attention” that I began to glimpse a different way of thinking about time.

Time Blocks … from “to do” lists to focused attention blocks

Attention. Focused Attention is actually the Holy Grail of time effectiveness. Unfortunately, we’re getting worse at doing it. There are a thousand distractions vying for our attention … and most adults can only effectively focus for 45 to 90 minutes at a time under the best circumstances. In order to focus effectively during these time blocks, we need to remove distractions as much as possible … email, social media, phone calls, emptying trash cans, cleaning computer desktops, and other “important” demands on our attention.

All of this dithering about time jump-started a “need” for a journal that would help me focus my attention on the things I really want to do. And, in spite of the plethora of journals available, I wanted my own custom journal designed to fill several needs:

• help me better focus my attention

• help me better understand myself and my self-limiting barriers

• help me choose my creative projects with more care

Several years ago, I discovered an unknown delight in the process of designing journals and, so far ,have created two gratitude journals and three writers’ conference journals. Like the others, this journal requires a learning stretch to find engaging ways to combine creativity, time/project management, and personal development/confidence … in what I hope will be a simple and fun process that will take me closer to my objectives. As I look for answers and ideas a few resources have come my way.

A few days ago a quote from Parker Palmer sparked the theme for the journal: Living Paradoxically. Palmer states:

"Thinking paradoxically is key to creativity, which depends on the ability to hold divergent ideas in a way that opens the mind and heart to something new.

Living paradoxically is key to personal wholeness, which depends on the ability to embrace one’s self-contradictions." 

And, when I started trying to nail down a definition for what “living paradoxically” means, I found a self-styled psychology nerd who likens it to finding contentment in a paradoxical world. Mark Manson, author of the best-seller shown above (one I have long shunned simply because of the title) asks:

“Is it possible to be content with our lives?”

And answers: “The answer is yes, we can be content. But it’s not simple. To understand why we seem to be constantly dissatisfied with ourselves and the world, we must understand some basic psychological principles, as well as, of all things… thermostats.

On his website, he explains: “In life, you often find yourself in no-win situations. You tell yourself that you need to be more social. But then you go out to events and spend the whole time wishing you could be at home. You celebrate the glory of Thanksgiving by eating thirteen slices of pizza… and then proceed to spend the next two days hating yourself for eating thirteen slices of pizza. When you are single, you dream about meeting somebody special. But then, once you find yourself in a relationship, you daydream about being single.

Manson emphasizes: “Humans suck. We are impossible to please. We have so many conflicting needs and desires, it’s a marvel that we can even wipe the correct ass.

And he continues, “I’ve long written about how humans evolved to be constantly dissatisfied in some way. I’ve written about how, in life, it’s impossible to escape suffering. In fact, in one of the most popular sections of my book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Disappointment Panda says: “Life is essentially an endless series of problems—the solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next. Don’t hope for a life without problems. Hope for a life full of good problems.”

The main purpose for creating and using this new journal is to maximize my creative energy which seems to dissipate like fog around the noon hour and to build my confidence in taking on more ambitious and creative projects that fit my criteria as worthwhile.

I would love to hear how you enhance your creative energies.

Invitation to join me in the development of this journal.

The first draft of the journal is going to the printer in the next two weeks. If you are a paid subscriber and would like to be part of this journal experiment, reply to this post with a request and I’ll send you a pdf of the 13-week, formatted journal. Would love to have your feedback and ideas along the way. All beta-testers will receive free pdf versions and a copy of the final, printed journal. Thank you!

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In good times and challenging ones, practicing gratitude helps us recognize the good things in our lives and build resilience for the challenges that come our way. Gratitude journaling is one of the best ways to better understand yourself and deepen your practice of gratitude.

Any journal will do … however, here are two we are biased toward:

Gratitude Miracles, a 52-week journal filled with inspiring quotes and the science behind 13 amazing benefits of gratitude. Available from amazon.com:

Or, Gratitude Mojo, a 26-week, workbook format, which comes to you free with your annual paid subscription … including one copy for a friend because having a Gratitude Buddy makes the journey better.

We want to help everyone develop a deeper practice of gratitude, therefore, all posts are always free. … However, it is paid subscriptions that help support this work.