Musk Mysteries: the odd couple beginning

The origin story, told by one who was there

Do you ever think about the oddest couple we know? Two egos that barely fit on the same planet (one’s already making plans for Mars) … how did they ever get together?

One changed the automotive industry with a climate-friendly electric car, (purchased primarily by the climate-sensitive democrats) and one helped us define “woke” as everything he isn’t. That one created a “good ole days” rallying cry for Republicans.

Distressed

The rallying-cry guy created the most ubiquitous political brand in modern times (quickly becoming the symbol of a cult), the other comes wearing the dark version. I’ve been befuddled by how they came together to hatch their evil plan, until I finally found someone who was there at the beginning. Here’s what he told me.

“I was just nibbling away at the last of the green grass when they showed up. I wanted to escape but was frozen. I couldn’t do anything except listen … here’s what I heard:

RED: Dirty dems are lying. Jealous. They know my people love me.

»»BLACK: I think you need a miracle and I have an idea.

RED: You think they’re rigging the election again?

»»BLACK: Probably, but I can fix it.

RED: Bastards! That’s not going to happen again. What’s the idea?

»»BLACK: We need to fix the swing states. It’s gonna take a ton of money.

RED: How much?

»»BLACK: Probably half a bill to do it right.

RED: Fuck… the Bibles are lagging and I don’t know if those coin thingys are going to payoff. You think I might really lose?

»»BLACK: The numbers are close.

RED: I can’t go to jail and my lawyers are already eating me alive. Even demanding money in advance … imagine, after all I’ve done for them. If I lose, those dems are gonna want revenge.

»»BLACK: Relax … I think I can cover the money … and, you know … you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours...

RED:… yeah? Whadduwant?

»»BLACK: There’s a bunch of agencies who are irritating me with their petty bullshit. You know … fines and “do this … don’t do that.” I want’em gone.

RED: … GONE? Even I can’t make agencies just go away.

»»BLACK: … I can. Here’s the idea. Remember Project 2025 … the one you pretended not to know about? We can just do it … the idea is already planted and the base will just eat it up. You can deputize me and some of my boys to find all that “fraud, waste, and abuse” stuff. And you can bet we’ll find it … even if we have to make it up. We’ll find so much of it, you’ll have to shut down the agencies. Your people will love it … and you … even more!

RED: … hmmm … maybe … the dems’ll flip out … but what about the money?

»»BLACK: … pocket change … let’s start with 300 mil.

RED: … nodding … might work … do I still get to play golf … ?

»»BLACK: sure … all you have to do is sign a bunch of EOs. Don’t worry … we’ll get ‘em all typed up for you in those pretty black folders. You just need your Sharpie.

RED: well … if we do this, I’m gonna need to make a LOT more money … real money.

»»BLACK: of course, got some ideas there, too.

RED: So, how do we do this?

»»BLACK: first we need a name … hmmm … X Men? … nah … something official-like … with lots of letters … something everyone wants … we’ll call it a department … Department of …

RED: … gold? … power? … women? … revenge? ….

»»BLACK: EFFICIENCY! We’ll tell’em we’re making the government more efficient … the Department of Government Efficiency … D.O.G.E.! Perfect!

RED: … … … I like it!

                                    Well, it could have happened that way. 
                              Maybe the historians will find out … some day.

Week 10 recap of Voices of the Hopeful … A weekly curation of the best bits (IMHO) of information and humor sparked by our fight to save our USA democracy.

Please feel free to share your own findings in the comments. Click here or on image to view.

Collection from Week 10 of US in Crisis

Week 8 Recap … click here or on image to view.

Collection from Week 8 of US in Crisis