The Laboratory of Love, Part 3

Following the Gnome

To see the full overview of The Path, click here.)

In Part 2 our heroine discovered everything she ever wanted in a fabled place only to have it explode and leave her lost and alone, chasing a gnome who might have the answer. If you missed this part of the adventure, you can read it here.

In Part 1 we met our heroine picking up the pieces of a failed experiment in the Laboratory of Love and heading onto a meandering path in a dark wood. She has just heard a new voice. If you missed the beginning, you can read it here.

Startled by a voice behind me, I turned around and recognized the wanderer from my first trip into the forest.

"You! What are you doing here?"

           "Wandering through the Intentional Friendship forest."

"What does Intentional Friendship mean?

           "I like to think of it as friendship with purpose, on purpose. You know,
            slowly building mutual respect and shared commitment to each other's 
            growth and well-being. Wanna come?

I stood up, looked around before saying "I don’t know, sounds a bit strange. But, why, not? I'm already lost.”

We walked on, this way and that, accompanied only by birdsong and a little conversation. My feet grew sore and my heart ached from failure and disappointment. Finally we came to a rise where we could see mountains in the distance and sun spilling across a silvered lake with a picnic table at the edge.

         "We can rest there."

I nodded and walked on, too tired to do anything else. When I sat down at the table, I noticed a brass plaque and groaned as I read the words … “Love! I’m tired of thinking about LOVE!”

                            Without doubt, we desire love, dream about it, 
                                    are disappointed by its absence, 
                                and become angry when it vanishes.
                                               -- Sam Keen

"What does love even mean? I'm not sure I know anymore. How can it mean anything when we say we love rainbows as easily as we say we love our children? We don't have enough words."

            "Actually, there are plenty of words, a kaleidoscope of words. We've just 
             gotten lazy using them. Think about it, we could say I enjoy spending 
             time with you, or I'm fond of you, or I'd like to know you better, 
             ... or even, like the Na'vi in the movie Avatar say: 'I see the love and your 
             feelings and your soul and you mean everything to me.'"

"That's really beautiful. But, why does love just go poof or explode like my beaker in the laboratory? I know I followed that recipe perfectly."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the gnome running toward the lake, tearing pages out of a book as he scampered away. "He's amazingly fast for someone on such short legs," I thought, as I caught one of the sheets.

"Oh, look, it's Maya Angelou." I called, reading it out loud: 

There’s a marked difference between acquaintances and friends. Most people really don’t become friends. They become deep and serious acquaintances. But in a friendship you get to know the spirit of another person; and your values coincide.

            The wanderer grabbed a page and said, "Here's one from John O'Donohue.”

The wish for friendship develops rapidly but friendship does not.

             Friendship takes time, you know. And, love builds on friendship. 
             We humans just rush things.

I nodded. What the wanderer said made sense. “Look, here's another O'Donohue.”

Friendship awakens affection. The heart learns a new art of feeling.

“That sounds like what you were saying. Who is he anyway?"

            "Irish poet/philosopher. Died too young. Listen to this one. It's George Eliot."

Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words.

"Love that one," I said, pulling another page that was stuck to a bush, "C.S. Lewis …”

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art ... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

“Gives value to survival ... that's amazing. How come there's all this wisdom floating around but still love experiments explode?"

           "Do you know where we are?" the wanderer asked.

"Of course," I replied. "We're in the Intentional Friendship Forest."

             "See anyone else here?"

I looked around. We were alone. No one on the path. No one sitting at the other picnic tables around the lake. No sounds other than the gentle waves on the shore and a mallard calling from across the lake.

I pondered for a moment. "You think ... you think they all got caught up in the candy store?"

             "Could be. Maybe we should keep going … "

"You mean stay on this path through the forest? Where’s that going to take us?"

          "We’ll have to find out."

So, on they continued. And, as far as we know, they may still be following that meandering path. However, we did see them pick up one last sheet the gnome dropped, and heard him laughing as he scrambled away. These were the words found on that paper:

Intentional friendship … mutual respect and shared commitment to each other's growth and well-being. Friendship with purpose, on purpose.

Signposts for building intentional friendships:

• nurturing the friendship with time spent together

• protecting the friendship as well as each other

• staying present, letting go of past issues as well as future expectations

• deepening connection through questions and non-judgmental listening

• sharing stories with honesty and vulnerability

• respecting boundaries as well as giving and seeking forgiveness

• making memories and laughing together

• expressing gratitude

What have you learned from intentional friendship?

Thank you for reading gratitude mojo. We love your “hearts” and please feel free to share this post if you think any of your friends and family would like it.

And if you would like to see other Gratitude Mojo posts, click here:

In good times and challenging ones, practicing gratitude helps us recognize the good things in our lives and build resilience for the challenges that come our way. Gratitude journaling is one of the best ways to better understand yourself and deepen your practice of gratitude.

Any journal will do … however, here are two we are biased toward:

Gratitude Miracles, a 52-week journal filled with inspiring quotes and the science behind 13 amazing benefits of gratitude. Available from amazon.com:

Or, Gratitude Mojo, a 26-week, workbook format, which comes to you free with your annual paid subscription … including one copy for a friend because having a Gratitude Buddy makes the journey better.

We want to help everyone develop a deeper practice of gratitude, therefore, all posts are always free. … However, it is paid subscriptions that help support this work.

The end.