This is quite the consideration for me....on one hand there is the laughter at the restaurant and the softness of a world that can afford laughter. On the other hand, I am weeping and shaken so deeply about life, and about a world that can afford this restaurant and these considerations since I have struggled alone to raise my beautiful son who could not walk without falling down when he was 2, and 3 years old. And with out tender companionship, we managed through the years with Rolfing and retraining his legs and going to the Handicapped ski program and somehow affording 2 pairs of shoes for the times when his CP leg was a shoe size smaller than his functioning leg. And then, he became a skier and a ski instructor and now he skies beautifully down the snow covered slopes. And I am alone again, struggling with a no longer functioning right ear and lungs seared by the black mold in a house I rented. It takes so much effort, day to day even with the Oxygen canisters for when I want to go outside and walk around and look at the garden, so much effort....that there is not much laughter. Some gentle smiles. But not this kind of laughter and so part of me, is shocked at a world so indulgent that it can turn away from storing away enough energy to make it to sunset, and be like THAT. And I'm shocked. At that world. And then, at myself.
Mary, thank you for sharing your touching story. One of the most difficult things to comprehend in this Universe is how unfairly life seems to distribute its gifts and challenges. Brother David Steindl-Rast says, "Everything is a gift." I've struggled with that for years and still find it baffling. May the coming year bring you peace and renewed strength.
I know Brother David. I walked up the road to Lama in 1971 and will be there with my granddaughter this coming Thursday. And I think what shocked me most is the decadence of such a restaurant....of such a place....while bombs are dropping on Gaza. Or...is it my physical limitations that make this so shockingly "whitie" to me ? But...but, then I was shocked at myself and how I was in the corner of the room of life where I had forgotten (?) that it is always okay for there to be laughter. SO thanks for your good wishes. I'm getting hearing aids in the mail next week and probably a portable Oxygen condenser so I won't be limited to how many canisters of O2 I have....and so....there will that sort of peace. AND I have taken years and years to decide that I'm going to write about trauma. It's what I was born to write about....so this was a bit of practice. May you grow in your capacity to be present. Just present. Sent with big love....M
What a fantastic post! I want to go to the Restaurant of Mistaken Orders. I need to do a bit of research, I'm sure there's a great writing prompt in there.
I also LOVE the idea of abundance creep. Your idea that we lose tolerance for imperfection is very wise. Not only does it dull our compassion, it makes us unhappy ourselves.
Sounds like a challenge of sorts. What would we do if we wanted to do Substack imperfectly? I just read Andrew Smith's (Goatfury Writes) homage to Weird Al and wonder what Weird Al would do with Substack.
I think imperfection has to be matched with respect and understanding. Substack is used by many of us to try out our writing, in all its early imperfections. We rely on the readers to write respectful comments, and to be understanding as we evolve. I hope that by its very nature Substack is imperfect.
I've read many pieces you've written and pointed your audience to for well over 20 years...this may be the best. It's inspires me to think of ways to create a "restaurant of mistaken orders" of our own.
I take lots of flower photos, too ... and some of my favorites are when I get new blooms and faded blossoms in the same photo. You have some lovely ones on your home page.
Thanks Joyce. I thought the video was quite inspiring and beautiful, and yours a lovely essay.
There’s some things I don’t agree with like the world knocking on your door implies perfection when we’re all imperfect beings with or without doorworld knocking. And we all have contributions to be appreciated.
"Nothing about me reflects “perfection” in its fresh, firm, social media ideal."
Great! That means you're doing things right. Social media (and media in general) is pretty much a thin transparent plastic veneer of pretend insight that’s used in an attempt to keep a bowl of stale advice fresh. Much tastier your authenticity.
Thanks, Victor ... especially for the reminder that the world knocking at our door is NOT a measure of perfection. I wonder if the flood of new writers into Substack and other open door media is raising the tide of authenticity and will wind up making all of us appreciate authenticity and the beauty of our imperfections.
Kathryn ... it is ridiculous ... however, I have read stories about creatives who did just that. Shedding that belief has taken some sit-down conversations with myself. ;-)
I know! I love it because I've mentally collected those ridiculous stories myself and internalized those same shoulds .... and I know better and work on it all the time and mostly, like you, just feel grateful for art and writing and where I'm at ... but it's all still there. And it's much easier to see the ridiculousness of it when someone else is saying it out loud instead of me saying it in my head where it sounds so true!
lol ... certainly better than anything I've ever written! :-p
Really, though, I'm so glad that my parents didn't make any effort to publish anything I wrote or hang my art anywhere further than the kitchen fridge.
Sometimes I wish I'd had the Internet as a teen (I mean, technically we got it when I was a teen, but it was dial-up and you paid by the minute) so that I could create a blog, start an Etsy shop, earn money some way other than babysitting ... but then I remember how much I loved handwritten letters and paper zines and just creating without monetizing ...
My basket is empty, I tried filling it with stuff but there is a hole in it and everything falls out and is scattered around, I would pick stuff up but my knees will not allow me to bed over well I can bend over but more likely I will just end up on the ground. Sorry I have forgotten what I was going to say so I am leaving now.
I think you will be experiencing many moments of joy ahead in your 2024. Like you, I’d like to ponder on this for a while longer. These are beautiful suggestions for approaching the new year (and so much more doable than most resolutions). I would love to go to that restaurant!
I struggle with perfectionism and low self-worth every day of my life and it's so helpful to hear that people like yourself who seem to me to be absolutely 'bossing it' are feeling similar things. Thank you for your brave and moving posts. By the way, I thought the 2-bucket story in the video would end with the idea that we need the seemingly less good to balance out the obviously perfect, so I got two valuable lessons from it (my own and the one he gave), from the same story!
Thanks, Kathy for your inspiring note and for enjoying the video and the bucket metaphor. I believe that all of us deal with the challenge of self-appreciation, regardless of what level of success we reach. Learning that has taken me a long time and it is still unfolding. However, I think it is gradually making me a more compassionate person ... to others and to myself. I wish I could hand it to you and to others like an M&M ... just choose your color or take one of each. hugs.
This is quite the consideration for me....on one hand there is the laughter at the restaurant and the softness of a world that can afford laughter. On the other hand, I am weeping and shaken so deeply about life, and about a world that can afford this restaurant and these considerations since I have struggled alone to raise my beautiful son who could not walk without falling down when he was 2, and 3 years old. And with out tender companionship, we managed through the years with Rolfing and retraining his legs and going to the Handicapped ski program and somehow affording 2 pairs of shoes for the times when his CP leg was a shoe size smaller than his functioning leg. And then, he became a skier and a ski instructor and now he skies beautifully down the snow covered slopes. And I am alone again, struggling with a no longer functioning right ear and lungs seared by the black mold in a house I rented. It takes so much effort, day to day even with the Oxygen canisters for when I want to go outside and walk around and look at the garden, so much effort....that there is not much laughter. Some gentle smiles. But not this kind of laughter and so part of me, is shocked at a world so indulgent that it can turn away from storing away enough energy to make it to sunset, and be like THAT. And I'm shocked. At that world. And then, at myself.
Mary, thank you for sharing your touching story. One of the most difficult things to comprehend in this Universe is how unfairly life seems to distribute its gifts and challenges. Brother David Steindl-Rast says, "Everything is a gift." I've struggled with that for years and still find it baffling. May the coming year bring you peace and renewed strength.
I know Brother David. I walked up the road to Lama in 1971 and will be there with my granddaughter this coming Thursday. And I think what shocked me most is the decadence of such a restaurant....of such a place....while bombs are dropping on Gaza. Or...is it my physical limitations that make this so shockingly "whitie" to me ? But...but, then I was shocked at myself and how I was in the corner of the room of life where I had forgotten (?) that it is always okay for there to be laughter. SO thanks for your good wishes. I'm getting hearing aids in the mail next week and probably a portable Oxygen condenser so I won't be limited to how many canisters of O2 I have....and so....there will that sort of peace. AND I have taken years and years to decide that I'm going to write about trauma. It's what I was born to write about....so this was a bit of practice. May you grow in your capacity to be present. Just present. Sent with big love....M
I'm sorry, that is so awkwardly said....what I want to say is....May you have happiness....
Thank you for you good wishes.
What a fantastic post! I want to go to the Restaurant of Mistaken Orders. I need to do a bit of research, I'm sure there's a great writing prompt in there.
I also LOVE the idea of abundance creep. Your idea that we lose tolerance for imperfection is very wise. Not only does it dull our compassion, it makes us unhappy ourselves.
Love the video, it is a wonderful peek into the spirt of people if they are allowed to be imperfect.
Thanks, Kate ... it does make you wonder if we're striving for the wrong things. Maybe we need an Olympics of imperfection.
Perhaps we do, at least something to knock perfectionism off its pedestal.
Sounds like a challenge of sorts. What would we do if we wanted to do Substack imperfectly? I just read Andrew Smith's (Goatfury Writes) homage to Weird Al and wonder what Weird Al would do with Substack.
I think imperfection has to be matched with respect and understanding. Substack is used by many of us to try out our writing, in all its early imperfections. We rely on the readers to write respectful comments, and to be understanding as we evolve. I hope that by its very nature Substack is imperfect.
good points. I definitely don't believe my posts are perfect so maybe the very form of Substack as periodic posts is a form of imperfection.
I've read many pieces you've written and pointed your audience to for well over 20 years...this may be the best. It's inspires me to think of ways to create a "restaurant of mistaken orders" of our own.
Wow, Ruth Ann, thanks ... I really appreciate your comment and our years of friendship!
I often post photos of flowers in various wabi sabi modes. It's been a passion of mine for years, photographing flowers in their different stages!
I take lots of flower photos, too ... and some of my favorites are when I get new blooms and faded blossoms in the same photo. You have some lovely ones on your home page.
Yes, I like shots like those as well! Flowers are so expressive!
😭😭😭😭I’m not crying 😢😭😭😭😭
Thanks Joyce. I thought the video was quite inspiring and beautiful, and yours a lovely essay.
There’s some things I don’t agree with like the world knocking on your door implies perfection when we’re all imperfect beings with or without doorworld knocking. And we all have contributions to be appreciated.
"Nothing about me reflects “perfection” in its fresh, firm, social media ideal."
Great! That means you're doing things right. Social media (and media in general) is pretty much a thin transparent plastic veneer of pretend insight that’s used in an attempt to keep a bowl of stale advice fresh. Much tastier your authenticity.
Thanks, Victor ... especially for the reminder that the world knocking at our door is NOT a measure of perfection. I wonder if the flood of new writers into Substack and other open door media is raising the tide of authenticity and will wind up making all of us appreciate authenticity and the beauty of our imperfections.
Love everything about this including the video but especially:
"should’ve started my first newsletter at six"
:) :-p
So succinctly sums up the ridiculousness of the creative shoulds we have placed on ourselves!!!!!!
Kathryn ... it is ridiculous ... however, I have read stories about creatives who did just that. Shedding that belief has taken some sit-down conversations with myself. ;-)
I know! I love it because I've mentally collected those ridiculous stories myself and internalized those same shoulds .... and I know better and work on it all the time and mostly, like you, just feel grateful for art and writing and where I'm at ... but it's all still there. And it's much easier to see the ridiculousness of it when someone else is saying it out loud instead of me saying it in my head where it sounds so true!
We should have some sort of write in where we all have to post those ridiculous stories ... I bet there are some even more ridiculous than ours. ;-)
https://virginradio.co.uk/lifestyle/102358/four-year-old-beats-world-record-worlds-youngest-author
Oh wow ... see how far behind we are! His book is probably even GOOD!
OMG ... his 8 yo sister wrote a bilingual book at 8. I'm afraid to keep reading the article.
It helps that their parents said, "everybody is born with a talent and that talent cannot be known unless they discover it by trying things out.”
lol ... certainly better than anything I've ever written! :-p
Really, though, I'm so glad that my parents didn't make any effort to publish anything I wrote or hang my art anywhere further than the kitchen fridge.
Sometimes I wish I'd had the Internet as a teen (I mean, technically we got it when I was a teen, but it was dial-up and you paid by the minute) so that I could create a blog, start an Etsy shop, earn money some way other than babysitting ... but then I remember how much I loved handwritten letters and paper zines and just creating without monetizing ...
My basket is empty, I tried filling it with stuff but there is a hole in it and everything falls out and is scattered around, I would pick stuff up but my knees will not allow me to bed over well I can bend over but more likely I will just end up on the ground. Sorry I have forgotten what I was going to say so I am leaving now.
Thanks! You brightened my day ... and if I were there, I'd pick those things up for you ... or give you a basket with fewer holes. Best.
I think you will be experiencing many moments of joy ahead in your 2024. Like you, I’d like to ponder on this for a while longer. These are beautiful suggestions for approaching the new year (and so much more doable than most resolutions). I would love to go to that restaurant!
Thanks, Safar ... and absolutely yes on going to that restaurant. And also special thanks for appreciating Final Flight. ;-)
Oh, and I forgot to say, I ADORE ‘Final Flight’.
I struggle with perfectionism and low self-worth every day of my life and it's so helpful to hear that people like yourself who seem to me to be absolutely 'bossing it' are feeling similar things. Thank you for your brave and moving posts. By the way, I thought the 2-bucket story in the video would end with the idea that we need the seemingly less good to balance out the obviously perfect, so I got two valuable lessons from it (my own and the one he gave), from the same story!
Thanks, Kathy for your inspiring note and for enjoying the video and the bucket metaphor. I believe that all of us deal with the challenge of self-appreciation, regardless of what level of success we reach. Learning that has taken me a long time and it is still unfolding. However, I think it is gradually making me a more compassionate person ... to others and to myself. I wish I could hand it to you and to others like an M&M ... just choose your color or take one of each. hugs.
That is a beautiful post. The video made me teary-eyed. Thank you for writing it and sharing.
Thank you, Hermann, for being touched by it also.